I've been reflecting on my journey -- the twists and turns and sudden falls and steady climbs. I think about where I was and where I am and I'm amazed at the trip I've taken. All of this reflection seems to carry a moribund tone but alas, I have no current plans to kick the bucket.
It seems as though the ultimate challenge I've faced this year, when you distill all the fighting, tears, pain and strife, is the unknown. No, I don't want to sound like a motivational poster with a singular image of a frosty mountain peak, but the cliche words are never truer. For me not knowing has been the scariest thing.
Rewind to Spring of last year -- not knowing what projectile would be flung at my head or which student was going to be suspended caused me massive amounts of anxiety. This year, as my situation evened out, I became more uncertain as my skills as a teacher. As the year draws to a close, my future once again looms its ugly, minimum wage-paying head.
I've been all-but assured that I will not have a position at my school next year. After that conversation I felt upset but I wasn't quite sure why. I never intended to teach for more than two years but a part of me feels like I have missed the entire experience. I haven't had the opportunity to move my own group of students from point A to B throughout the course of an entire year. I'm talking about day 1 to day 180.
So here we are, again with the unknown, but I can't help feel a slight (ever so slight) thrill. The opportunity, the freedom, the exhilarating breath of air -- grounded by the reality of unemployment. I don't know what's on the horizon -- but who really ever does?
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