End of Week 1

Two weeks ago I was in Austin, packing up five years of my life, scared of what was going to happen next. Time soldiered on, it marched forward and propelled me to Chicago for a week then to LA. I'm the type of person that's scared to do new things, especially on my own. I realized, though, that with the TFA corps, I'm really not all alone.

So here I am in LA. The weather is gorgeous, the sun is shining and, yes, I'm really really tired. The work, at least thusfar, isn't hard, but it does take a lot of time. On top of that they require you to wake up insanely early. Everyday we have Subway sandwiches -- every day for the next five weeks. There still lingers a small portion of my subconscious that questions if this really is what I want to do. I try to quell this doubt because I know that if the question gets too loud it'll overcome my thoughts and I will probably break. There's a statistic floating around that between 10 and 20 percent of corps members don't make it through institute and I do not want to be that statistic. I keep telling myself I'm here, I've made the commitment and I will make it through.

I've also come to realize that graduating from college doesn't become an automatic pass to maturity. The people here, though nice from day to day, are still just young kids that like to party, get wasted, and indulge in other vices. Suddenly I'm back at freshman orientation when everyone was tripping over themselves to get drunk and hookup with the next semi-attractive person they could, literally, get their hands on. Meanwhile, I'm huddled in my dorm room with no means of transportation and a slight air of elitism.

Character foibles aside, we will all be teaching, most of us for the first time, on Monday. I've met the 13 kids that I will be instructing and they are an energetic, intelligent, lively group of kids. They do and say things that are so perceptive and funny and they don't even realize. I hope I prove to be an efficacious teacher. I hope to overcome the self-doubt and fear and rise to become a really good teacher. As of right now -- I'm just unsure.